Strength

Recently, Tiger has lost someone dear. I can feel his pain when he narrates how his mum passed away. It reminded me of how I see my mum collapsed and how helpless I felt when I couldn’t rescue her. It was sudden and none of us see it coming.

My whole world collapsed then. I felt so guilty because I could have done more for her. My biggest regret is that I could not bring her to Chiang Mai that I promised her. It will never happen and I blame myself for it. She was looking forward to the trip.

It felt so unreal that she has left us permanently. I missed her voice, her laughter, her touch, her home cooked food. Every little thing in our house reminded me of her. The thought of returning home and not seeing her cheerful face made me sad. I had to cry myself to sleep on many sleepless nights. It pained me to throw away her medications, her bed, her belongings and many items in our house that reminded my family of her.

People around you will tell you, “Don’t worry, you will get over it eventually.” This is not true.

I can never get over my mum’s death even it is almost 2 years. Sometimes, I missed her so badly that I can feel surge of pain in my heart at every thought of her. The pain is engraved and absolutely nothing can take it away. However, the pain will heal over time. It is like removing a tattoo. The scar is permanent but will fade over time.

It takes tremendous strength to overcome this crisis. It is impossible for me to go through this crisis by myself. I am blessed to have my close friends to help pick myself up.

Mum is now in a happier place – heaven. She has never left me. She is always watching over me and resides in my heart. For sure, I know she does not want to see me unhappy. She has given life to me and I am certain that she wants me to live life to the fullest.

Everyone shares a unique relationship with his or her mum. Motherly love is indeed noble. This maternal bond is truly amazing and indescribable.

Tiger, I am confident you can go through this hurdle in your life. Be strong and brave! Life still goes on. Embrace the beautiful life your mum has given you with hope.

Happy Mother's Day

Both are mum's favourite gifts.
Handmade gift from little moon gal..


Mother's day gift from Kor during his primary school days..

Brave Front

We often have to put up a brave front to prove our capability. The males are built to manage emotions better than females. Today, females are taking up more responsibilities at work or at home. As much as the ladies have to live up to other's expectations, it is inevitable that we have to succumb to the emotional and weak element of us.

Today, I know that a customer of mine has contracted cancer. She's a career woman who has successfully built her reputation over the years in a male dominated industry. Her passion for her work is admirable. She's working alone in a foreign country away from her family. I can't help but feel emotional by this news.. It must be very very hard for her. I pray for perseverance for my friend!

We can be transformed by trouble. We can choose to succumb to setbacks or we can choose to become stronger. There are 2 options and it is up to us to make this choice.

Just like Heaven

We treated dad to dinner as it was his bday ytd. Nobody mentioned anything about mum. It's not that we have forgotten about her. I dare not mention about mum as i know dad will be affected. I know mum will be happy whenever we treat her to dinner, no matter how simple the dinner will be.

We still miss mum badly. But life still moves on.. I have to constantly remind ourselves that mum is now happy in heaven and watching over us. It is an end to the medical check ups, blood tests and medication that she has always feared and detested.

There is a recent movie named 'Just like Heaven' which i missed to catch. Kor told me it is a nice one. Some people describe victory just like heaven, bountiful fortune just like heaven..

Sometimes, i wonder how will mum be in heaven. I am certain that she will be freed from illness, sorrow, insecurity, emptiness, worries. No matter what, she is always in our heart. We are fortunate enough to experience her selfless love for us.

Hurdle

Dad returned from his first M'ysia trip after mum has retired from the world. I was expecting him to narrate happenings of his happy day as he always does in the past. He always enjoyed M'ysia. As usual, I asked him how his day was. I can sense that something is amiss.

He told me in a trembling voice that many friends asked him why he didn't bring my mum along for this trip. These are people whom my parents have made friends with in shops and restaurants they often frequent in M'ysia. I knew my dad has to let loose his emotions.

I comforted him, " Cry if you want to. You will feel better."

He broke down. I broke down too. It pains me so much to see him in sorrow.

I sms my kor and told him to come home early. He did obediently. We talked alot to dad last nite. No matter how painful and difficult these emotional hurdles we have to cross, we still have to keep on continuing to cross these hurdles. In event that we fall, i hope it will be less and less painful for us to pick ourselves up.

Mum has always been a sociable person. She enjoys talking to people. She has a big heart, always putting others interest above hers. I am certain she is well rembered by the neighbours, friends, relatives and people who have crossed her path.

I pray for strength. I pray that we become stronger each time we cross each hurdle together.

Roti Boy

I had a roti boy for breakfast. Describe roti boy.. Piping hot when fresh from oven. Strong coffee aroma. Sinful but simply irresistable.

I once searched high & low for the bakery in Kuala Lumpur. I need badly to try the bread. (Roti boy was just launched in M'ysia) Strong recommendations from my colleagues. My search was of course rewarded with the sumptuous bread. Till to date, my gal friends still joke about my desperate search attempt then.

An avid food lover who is excited about new food discoveries. Who can't resist tasty food?

I introduced roti boy to Mr Ruthless from Australia. He bites into it and commented how good it was.

The next minute, he said, "Wait, i will go back to australia and register trade name - roti boy. We don't have this back in australia. I probably can earn some money by selling the name if Roti Boy franchise makes its way to Australia."

"Brilliant idea", i thought.

A typical businessman spotting an opportunity to earn money. Why not?

I was at Bugis Junction.

Mum rang me, " Can you buy a roti boy for me if you pass by the bakery? I like it. I shared one with your dad in M'ysia. It is very nice."

I replied, " You can't eat too much of this. It's too oily, bad for your health." I was hesitant to buy cos i know the bread is oily and does not do good to my mum as she is diabetic and has extreme high cholestrol level.

I did not buy in the end as the bakery was closed when i left the shopping mall. No compliants

from mum.

A frail lady craving for one of her favourite food. What's so difficult about this simple request?

I can never get to fulfil her simple request again. My regret. Sorry mum.

Pearls of Joy

I was wearing pearlies necklace on my 26th birthday ytd. A set of precious pearl necklace & earrings that I specially picked in Taipei for my precious mum.. My first birthday without my mum. I must admit it is not at all a nice experience.

I thought this set of pearl accessories were burnt to ashes with my mum. I realised it was still around when I returned from Perth conference. My dad emptied my mum's bags before selling off her baggages of clothings to garang guni man. For only 2 bucks? Ridiculous price for such precious stuffs.. priceless stuffs..

Intially angry with my dad for selling off mum's belongings..but probably he did the right thing as this can probably ease our pain.. Memories of mum natuarally flow back at sight of her belongings. It is a blessing in disguise. If not, I might not discover her pearl accessories.

I was overjoyed when I know mum's pearl accessories were still around. It will be safely kept in my possession.. forever..

Pearl has brought mum joy.

I asked Moon gal once, "What are you going to buy for auntie mummy when you grow up and earn money?"
Moon gal replied, "When I hv money in future, I will buy a house for ma, buy a car for pa and buy pearl necklace for auntie mummy."

Such a simple reply but it has brought happiness and comfort to my mum.